I know I disappeared from the radar a little while back. I logged in to find several comments requiring moderation and I was truly suprised that my little space had left an impact, thankyou. I have been through an identity crisis of sorts.
Repeatedly I would see Sir hold our relationship up and measure it. Repeatedly one or both of us falls short. I am not submissive enough. He is not dominant enough. We are not doing enough. By whose standards are we to be measured. Is there a tribunal to which we are accountable for our D/s activity. At some point we will be placed on a scale and weighed? Will a taste tester come past and lick us, declaring us to be vanilla to the core?
Shortly after Christmas I went through one of my periods where I desire solitude, where I need space, where I don't like to be around people all that much. Sir wouldn't give me that, as a submissive I had no right to request that, and I struggled a lot, I guess I still am. I hate him for doing that to me, for taking my desire to be submissive and using it against me to manipulate the situation so that he would get what he wanted out of it... but then if he is my Owner I guess he has the right to do that, which leaves me with the same thought running through my head. Am I really submissive?
Repeatedly I would see Sir hold our relationship up and measure it. Repeatedly one or both of us falls short. I am not submissive enough. He is not dominant enough. We are not doing enough. By whose standards are we to be measured. Is there a tribunal to which we are accountable for our D/s activity. At some point we will be placed on a scale and weighed? Will a taste tester come past and lick us, declaring us to be vanilla to the core?
Shortly after Christmas I went through one of my periods where I desire solitude, where I need space, where I don't like to be around people all that much. Sir wouldn't give me that, as a submissive I had no right to request that, and I struggled a lot, I guess I still am. I hate him for doing that to me, for taking my desire to be submissive and using it against me to manipulate the situation so that he would get what he wanted out of it... but then if he is my Owner I guess he has the right to do that, which leaves me with the same thought running through my head. Am I really submissive?
1 comments:
There is no tribunal waiting to see just how submissive and how dominant you two are. It is purely subjective. Only you two can decide what is right for you both.
As far as you being submissive.... it's hard for some women (and men) to give up their will to another without resenting the other when something comes up that they wish they did not have to do, or not do. Sometimes I think one might need a break to reflect on how they actually feel about things.
Is it still fulfilling to you on any level, or has it simply become a burden. You said that you hated your Master for making you be social at Christmas when you did not want to be. And yes.. as long as you have that agreement, then He does have the right to demand that of you. I would say he did not use it 'against' you so much as he desired that you do what he wanted, regardless of how you felt. Owner's are like that. Tis up to you to decide, if that is what YOU still want though.
Perhaps.... you are changing. Not everyone stays submissive.. or dominant. We all grow and evolve.
Glad to see you back in any case..
best to you always,
Mystress
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