If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect.
Sir had only ever heard the first part of that saying, "If you love something, set it free." He had never heard the full phrase as most people know it, and even myself, I had not heard the full phrase as quoted above. Interesting sentiment when it comes to a BDSM relationship in a free society. What follows is, hopefully, the last of our drama's for some time now!
About a three weeks ago Sir rang and told me we were finished, that he just wasn't prepared to maintain the relationship as it was. Can't say that I blamed him, I wasn't returning his phone texts or emails very often, when we did talk I was usually cranky and irritable. At first I was relieved, like this huge weight had been lifted from me, and there were no tears or feelings of loss, a twinge of regret at what might have been, but I felt it was the best for us both.
I have always felt this huge burden of guilt at the fact that he has to move ten thousand miles to be with me. What if he gets here and it doesn't work? I know myself, and I know I would remain trapped in a relationship that I hated out of guilt, I know this because I am currently in such a relationship, too weak to walk away, bound by guilt and regret. So when he said it was over, I felt all that lift, and for a few days I actually felt much better.
Then it was like I was haunted by him. I found myself thinking about him constantly, not just the good memories but everything. The fights. The dorky monkey faces he likes to make. The way he says "Huh?" like a redneck inbred if he hasn't heard me and how that irritates me so! The fact he changed how he spelled the word "Hun" to "Hon", and "Luv" to "Love" because that's how I preferred it. Little things that he's said and done flooded my mind for days on end.
We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people.
Sir doesn't own me, not really, not if I don't want him to. I am free to do what I want, be with whomever I choose. I choose to be a part of this scene where I belong to him, where he owns me. We may falter along our journey down that path, but I won't stop trying.
Only when I am with Sir am I truly free to be me, all of me, no hiding, no closet full of skeletons, bared soul and naked. The thought of never feeling that way again, of having to hide this darkness within, made me feel sick to the stomach. He is the only person I trust to expose myself so openly with.
So after a very rocky few months things are as they should be again. He's even coming back to Australia for another holiday, although not for as long as either of us would like, but that's a topic for another post!
Sir had only ever heard the first part of that saying, "If you love something, set it free." He had never heard the full phrase as most people know it, and even myself, I had not heard the full phrase as quoted above. Interesting sentiment when it comes to a BDSM relationship in a free society. What follows is, hopefully, the last of our drama's for some time now!
About a three weeks ago Sir rang and told me we were finished, that he just wasn't prepared to maintain the relationship as it was. Can't say that I blamed him, I wasn't returning his phone texts or emails very often, when we did talk I was usually cranky and irritable. At first I was relieved, like this huge weight had been lifted from me, and there were no tears or feelings of loss, a twinge of regret at what might have been, but I felt it was the best for us both.
I have always felt this huge burden of guilt at the fact that he has to move ten thousand miles to be with me. What if he gets here and it doesn't work? I know myself, and I know I would remain trapped in a relationship that I hated out of guilt, I know this because I am currently in such a relationship, too weak to walk away, bound by guilt and regret. So when he said it was over, I felt all that lift, and for a few days I actually felt much better.
Then it was like I was haunted by him. I found myself thinking about him constantly, not just the good memories but everything. The fights. The dorky monkey faces he likes to make. The way he says "Huh?" like a redneck inbred if he hasn't heard me and how that irritates me so! The fact he changed how he spelled the word "Hun" to "Hon", and "Luv" to "Love" because that's how I preferred it. Little things that he's said and done flooded my mind for days on end.
We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people.
Sir doesn't own me, not really, not if I don't want him to. I am free to do what I want, be with whomever I choose. I choose to be a part of this scene where I belong to him, where he owns me. We may falter along our journey down that path, but I won't stop trying.
Only when I am with Sir am I truly free to be me, all of me, no hiding, no closet full of skeletons, bared soul and naked. The thought of never feeling that way again, of having to hide this darkness within, made me feel sick to the stomach. He is the only person I trust to expose myself so openly with.
So after a very rocky few months things are as they should be again. He's even coming back to Australia for another holiday, although not for as long as either of us would like, but that's a topic for another post!
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