I was tasked today with writing on the blog. I have not done so lately because I am also tasked with writing in a journal daily (which is often not much more than a recitation of our daily conversations), and I do not like to repeat myself with such regular monotony. I do not mind sharing my thoughts, I feel in fact it is necessary for Sir to have a greater understanding of what I am thinking and feeling and I have endeavored to create an environment where I let him know verbally what's going on... every other means of communicating that feels redundant. I do it because I have been asked to and because I imagine he will get some pleasure from reading my written words.
Ours is not a full on D/s relationship. I understand that I am to respect him and remember always that he is my Owner, but I am not a service slave. My purpose in this relationship is not to be attentive to his needs 100% of the time. We have talked, and agreed, that most of the time we would appear to the casual onlooker just like any other couple. So, the way I see our relationship is that after attending to my daily tasks, unless he has bid me otherwise, I am free to do my own thing. I should clarify and say it is not just my interpretation of our relationship, he has said those same words to me, that unless he states otherwise I am left to my own devices.
Today he got irritated that my attention was distracted from him, and without informing me that this was the case, he allowed it to get to a point where he berated me and then said goodnight. When we discussed it, he initially responded with, "Well what did you think would happen?".
This is unacceptable in many ways.
I have offered my submission to him because I enjoy being at his beck and call, and I enjoy being told what to do by him. For him to "endure" my behaviour or an activity I am performing when he would prefer me to do something else, means that he has forgotten his role as Dominant. All he has to do is ask me to stop.
For him to state what he did, means that he has forgotten that I am free to do as I please unless directed otherwise from him, he is forgetting our agreement. Furthermore, I don't want to guess every minute of every day what it takes to please him. That's why I want a dominant, because I am so tired of guessing what people want from me, and ultimately getting it wrong. I don't mean this to sound like I am not capable of "checking in" to see if he needs anything, or offering affection or attention spontaneously, but I am not a mind reader, and to check in constantly puts me in the position of service slave, an unhappy service slave.
Ours is not a full on D/s relationship. I understand that I am to respect him and remember always that he is my Owner, but I am not a service slave. My purpose in this relationship is not to be attentive to his needs 100% of the time. We have talked, and agreed, that most of the time we would appear to the casual onlooker just like any other couple. So, the way I see our relationship is that after attending to my daily tasks, unless he has bid me otherwise, I am free to do my own thing. I should clarify and say it is not just my interpretation of our relationship, he has said those same words to me, that unless he states otherwise I am left to my own devices.
Today he got irritated that my attention was distracted from him, and without informing me that this was the case, he allowed it to get to a point where he berated me and then said goodnight. When we discussed it, he initially responded with, "Well what did you think would happen?".
This is unacceptable in many ways.
I have offered my submission to him because I enjoy being at his beck and call, and I enjoy being told what to do by him. For him to "endure" my behaviour or an activity I am performing when he would prefer me to do something else, means that he has forgotten his role as Dominant. All he has to do is ask me to stop.
For him to state what he did, means that he has forgotten that I am free to do as I please unless directed otherwise from him, he is forgetting our agreement. Furthermore, I don't want to guess every minute of every day what it takes to please him. That's why I want a dominant, because I am so tired of guessing what people want from me, and ultimately getting it wrong. I don't mean this to sound like I am not capable of "checking in" to see if he needs anything, or offering affection or attention spontaneously, but I am not a mind reader, and to check in constantly puts me in the position of service slave, an unhappy service slave.
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