Thoughtless Actions

I often wonder what it is which causes myself, and humanity at large, to engage in seemingly senseless or thoughtless action. Why do we have a propensity for saying foolish things? Even learned men and women worldwide seem to have moments that make you sit back and ponder "what on earth were they thinking?"

Humans are flawed. In many ways. If there is one inescapable principle which binds us together as a species I believe it to be our flawed makeup. I am no different and certainly not perfect.

Tonight I find myself irritated and upset. Not at Pet. At myself. I strive dubiously to ensure that I am constantly improving myself. I work at not making the same mistakes twice. Remind myself at times not to do this, or to do something a certain way. There are many acts, words, sayings and what-have-you which I know pet does not like; things I have a tendency to do which irritate her. I have heard proclamations regarding situations which read: "your the Dom - she has no say in how things should go...no preference to how she wants to be treated," and the like. But to my thinking, D/S or not, this is still a relationship. There are still two parties working together to form this bond. Both parties have to be happy. Pet is not a slave.

So why do I still fumble around at times? Why do I realize the way things are, the twists and turns of the relationship; understand things to do and things not to do...and yet still fall into a pitfall and slip up. I sincerely wish for a cure from this "dunderhead disease" as I like to call it.

Tonight Pet did something which irritated me. The act continued. I decided to just try and cope with it myself and not cause any friction over it for it was a really minor annoyance, really. Instead of saying something, anything, to Pet about my annoyance I let it reach a point where I unreasonably let it out. Rather than alleviating an issue before it became a problem I allowed it to spill over into an even larger cesspool.

I realize I have uttered this phrase before but will do so again regardless. Pet makes me want to be a better man. Above all else that has always been my main goal.

So, it is nights like these which make me feel as if I have failed that goal - that I have DE-evolved into some lesser stature of myself. I feel like I fail myself and I have failed to uphold my end of things with Pet. It is just humbling and fills me with a bit of sorrow to know that I have erred. Most especially because lately Pet has been near perfect to the letter. She has been a wonderful Pet in recent weeks.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hold my head up high and continue to march onward. Take a lesson learned and pray that it sticks. I have no illusions that I am flawless. I am positive I will make mistakes again and that this will not be the last. But the only thing you can do is move forward and continue trying to make those improvements and realize that your just human.

My apologies to you Pet. Your a good pet and I love you.