Orgasms

I believe Sir has asked me to write how I feel when I orgasm before, but I am sure it hasn't been since we started living together, and a lot has changed since then.

How I feel depends a great deal on the circumstances surrounding the orgasm.

If it's late at night and I know he has work in the morning then it is often a mixture of guilt, coupled with feeling like an inconvenience. I think this often leads to difficulty in reaching climax, despite my body begging for release.

It's difficult to write about feeling any other way than I describe above because it seems like we are always having sex in the wee hours, when he is tired and has work. I do feel loved because he isn't dismissing me, and he is willing to put off his own sleep to take care of my needs, but it is burdened with a lot of guilt.

One of my favourite ways to cum is to have started the 'session' in an off mood. Not really eager for sex, or worse in a bad mood, and then driven so wild by his touch that I am begging for it. At that point when I climax I feel completely and totally owned, truly as if my body were his betraying me to obey his commands.

I don't think I am in a very good place at the moment, I am tending to see everything with a shade of negativity, so choosing now to write about my orgasms is probably not the best time, because even those are harder to come by (no pun intended).

Today Sir has tasked me with watching an update from the Sex and Submission site and writing a commentary on it, noting my likes and dislikes and my feelings about the dominant.

http://www.sexandsubmission.com/site/shoot/5852-Charlotte-Vale.html

The thing I liked the most about the entire shoot was that she was forbidden to say no. When she wanted to indicate something in the negative she had to be creative. He would ask her something to which the answer would have been no, and she would have to come up with something like "I would prefer something else" or "please don't" but never the word no. I like that kind of protocol.

The shoot itself was pretty bland, only two scenes, both of which she was bound in an unusual position. She had to wear a ball-gag which I would like to try. She was straining wanting to cum and he made her articulate clearly with the gag in her mouth which was fun.

The dominant, Mark Davis, is decent. I like his penchant for finding what the girls don't like and torturing them with it. I think a good dominant has to be somewhat sadistic, and he has a nice balance. Clearly he wants his girls to feel pleasure, although he constantly reminds them it's about him and not them.

Not the most erotic or enjoyable of scenes but it had some nice elements.

Catching Up

The last post by either of us was almost two years ago. A lot has happened since then! I posted in September 2008 about his return trip here. He went home, put his affairs in order, bought a one way trip and came back to Australia.

It's been a hard two years. I would often liken it to an arranged marriaged. There was so much we had to adjust to, and very little of it involved BDSM other than some wonderfully kinky sex.

Recently we went through a series of events that brought us closer, not the least of which was me being admitted to hospital for surgery. This led to the two of us recommitting to each other, and rededicating ourselves to the BDSM lifestyle.

This is our continued journey.